Lessons from the Time I left the table (Plus, a practice for Holiday Anxiety)
Heal so you can hear what is being said without the filter of your wounds.
—Dr. Thelma Bryant
We have this idea of the holidays as a time for joy, gathering, and connection, but the paradox is that it can also bring anxiety and tension.
Metaphorically and literally, it can be difficult to stay at the table. Where familiar family dynamics are served alongside the meal. Where you never know what that one person will say. Where your habitual reactions take the reign when you’re triggered.
I wrote about my experience “at the table” in my upcoming new book, The Power of the Pause. It was the Friday night after Thanksgiving, and a meandering conversation with my family suddenly spiraled into a fiery battle with my daughter. I abruptly left the table and sequestered myself in the bathroom, where I realized my mistake.
“Dammit . . . I’m writing a book about how to stay at the table.”
Begrudgingly, I remembered my pause practice. Just three breaths into it, it did what it always does. It began to shift my perspective. As my body relaxed, I could feel my rising desire for repair and reconnection. In 90 seconds, I entered a completely different state.
This difficult situation, and the lessons it delivered, fueled me to share how important—no, essential—it is to pause whenever we want to leave the table. Or, like in my case, when we want to come back to it.
When my daughter and I discussed it later, it turns out that while I knew for sure that I was triggered, I had no idea that I had triggered her with a comment long before that.
The truth dawned: Often when it comes to our closest relationships, all of us are one phrase away from being triggered. We spend time armoring ourselves without genuinely considering where everyone else at the table is coming from.
Maybe that family member isn’t an asshole; maybe they’re just stressed. (Maybe.)
If we can stay with ourselves and get grounded, we build our capacity to see and hear the other person before we retort with something we may regret.
In the coming weeks, you may find yourself in many situations that make you want to leave the table (or the town). If you’re feeling panicky, anxious, or triggered, I’m sharing a simple tool below to help you feel more centered, contained, and at ease.
Wishing you a holiday filled with beauty and presence.
And if not?
May you remember to pause.
Actually, may you pause to cherish and more fully take in the sweet parts too!
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Autumn Attunement
Vagus Nerve Reset Through the Chakras
Mark the turning of the seasons with a full-body, full-spectrum reset.
This autumn, join me for a deeply restorative and enlivening journey through the chakra system, exploring its connection to the vagus nerve—the body’s main pathway for rest, repair, and resilience.
Each week we’ll focus on a different chakra, combining sound mantra, intentional movement, breath awareness, somatic exercises, and deep relaxation to harmonize energy flow and support your nervous system.
You’ll also experience gentle vagus nerve tuning practices designed to cultivate a sense of safety, groundedness, and emotional balance. Alongside the experiential work, we’ll explore how each chakra relates to specific nerve plexuses and endocrine glands, and how the vagus nerve interacts with the chakra system to influence both physical vitality and emotional well-being.
