Pausing Is an Act of Love: A Gentle Nervous System Reset to respond with More Clarity & Care
On the blog, we’ve had an opportunity to talk about how the practice of Pausing through LAR-LAR—Land, Arrive, Relax, Listen, Attend, and now Respond—cultivates a more flexible nervous system so we can respond in each moment with more clarity and care.
As we all know, what happens in the moment isn’t always something we can plan for. Often this is a difficult concept for us to wrap our heads around because as humans, the more we prepare, the more control we feel… and the safer we feel. We’ve been trained to set the course for ourselves.
However, as we all know, the world keeps teaching us that we can’t always control our conditions, and this realization can lead to fear.
Pausing is the practice of untangling the fear that clouds our perception and prevents us from responding with clarity, from our hearts.
Pausing Is an Act of Love
One of the main questions I ask myself every day is: Is this the path of love?
It comes from one of my favorite poems:
A Poem: The Question
by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer:
(for Jude Jordan Kalush, who asked the question)All day, I replay these words:
Is this the path of love?
I think of them as I rise, as
I wake my children, as I wash dishes,
as I drive too close behind the slow
blue Subaru, Is this the path of love?
Think of these words as I stand in line at the grocery store,
think of them as I sit on the couch
with my daughter. Amazing how
quickly six words become compass,
the new lens through which to see myself
in the world. I notice what the question is not.
Not, “Is this right?” Not,
“Is this wrong?” It just longs to know
how the action of existence
links us to the path to love.
And is it this? Is it this? All day,
I let myself be led by the question.
All day I let myself not be too certain
of the answer. Is it this?
Is this the path of love? I ask
as I wait for the next word to come.
Watch: My inspiring conversation with Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
The question has become my North Star of my Pausing practice. Does what I’m doing now leave me feeling more connected or separate? Am I opening up or closing down? Is this the path of love? Or am I strengthening the impulse for division or feelings of fear?
When our nervous system is stuck in stress mode, everything feels like a threat, leaving us with limited choices. So, the guiding questions are: How do we lean toward love and connection? How do we not add aggression to the moment?
It all starts with regulating the nervous system, even in the moments that feel confusing.
We are learning to be humans who need structure and control in a world that has other laws that are happening simultaneously. The practice of Pausing through LAR-LAR helps us regulate our nervous system so we can feel embodied and open to the ever-changing new now—the unknown and unexpected—and Respond from a place of clarity.
Read more: Order your copy of The Power of the Pause
Pausing not only helps create space for us to make better decisions and choices, but it changes the way we relate to the world and ourselves. It transforms our deepest relationships; it reorients our perception and interactions with strangers.
Like most people, I often struggle with fear. Now, instead of getting upset that I’m fearful, I try to remember to put my hand on my heart and remind myself that, in this moment, it makes sense that I would feel afraid, confused, or uncertain. This awareness is what choosing love looks like.
With pausing, we practice staying with ourselves, recognizing our feelings and what triggers them, which gives us space to reclaim our over our responses… so we can show up in the world from our hearts. As we make our moment-to-moment updated choices out in the world, we do it with care, over and over again anew.
A Gentle Practice to Regulate the Nervous System
This 20-minute practice links mindful movement with breath to ease an overworked mind and gently bring your nervous system into balance, so you can feel more grounded, open, and centered as you respond to anything that arises throughout your day. Bonus: You don’t even have to stand on your mat to do it.
